just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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