Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
