when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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