Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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