i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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