Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
