woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize