i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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