take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
