I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no, he came in my armpit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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