Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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