Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
