she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
