I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
