Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
