I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
