it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
