No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
