My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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