ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize