DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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