i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
