things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
