I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
