I wannas sexs uuuuu
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
