Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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