I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
