After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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