So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
