My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
