You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sext me about skeletons
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
