Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
