I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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