dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
