Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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