Just cropdusted the office
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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