wrigley field is MILF paradise
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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