I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize