cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
