what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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