I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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