Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
