And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How naked do you want me to be?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
