So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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