Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
