This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
