wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
