tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
