We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
