what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
