just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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