he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
