About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
