you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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