nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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