I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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