What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
