did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
