i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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