cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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