you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
