i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
