I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
