So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
