video games are the ultimate cock blocker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
