you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
