someone threw a dead crab at me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
